Marlena: A Good Book That Made Me Feel Icky (And Conflicted)

I knew Marlena by Julia Buntin was going to make me feel uncomfortable when I read it. I knew it was going to be about drugs, alcohol, and poor life decisions made by young girls. Books like that are tough for me to read. Maybe because I was once a young girl who had to battle these decisions? I don’t know, but ultimately this book left me feeling very confused about whether or not I actually liked it. I mean, I guess I know I liked it, but I didn’t enjoy reading it. Does that make sense? Ultimately books like this are really hard to rate.

An electric debut novel about love, addiction, and loss; the story of two girls and the feral year that will cost one her life, and define the other’s for decades

Everything about fifteen-year-old Cat’s new town in rural Michigan is lonely and off-kilter, until she meets her neighbor, the manic, beautiful, pill-popping Marlena. Cat, inexperienced and desperate for connection, is quickly lured into Marlena’s orbit by little more than an arched eyebrow and a shake of white-blond hair. As the two girls turn the untamed landscape of their desolate small town into a kind of playground, Cat catalogues a litany of firsts—first drink, first cigarette, first kiss—while Marlena’s habits harden and calcify. Within the year, Marlena is dead, drowned in six inches of icy water in the woods nearby. Now, decades later, when a ghost from that pivotal year surfaces unexpectedly, Cat must try to forgive herself and move on, even as the memory of Marlena keeps her tangled in the past. Alive with an urgent, unshakable tenderness, Julie Buntin’s Marlena is an unforgettable look at the people who shape us beyond reason and the ways it might be possible to pull oneself back from the brink.

I received this book for free from Henry Holt and Co. in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.

What I know I liked: 

1. Buntin did an amazing job describing the motives and thought-processes behind what these girls did. It was so perfectly done it was almost not noticeable. I never thought, “Oh that would never happen,” because it all totally could  happen. I could see fifteen-year-old me feeling the same way about high school peer pressure.

2. Buntin’s writing was perfection. Again, it was so good I almost didn’t even notice it. Her writing flows seamlessly and her descriptions were all simple and evocative.

“Above us, the sky, a shattered mirror of the lake, and of course, the stars—as distant and unknowable as every single person I’d ever met, even myself.”

What I didn’t like (this is where it gets confusing):

These things I didn’t like were mostly the awful parts of the story itself. So I really think that it means that they were pretty well done. I mean, it’s not like Buntin wants us to love reading about girls flushing their lives down a toilet, right?

1. I hated our main character’s (Cat) relationship with Marlena. It was toxic and Marlena dragged Cat down. I hated how obsessed Cat was with Marlena and I hated how much Marlena took advantage of that.

2. I hated Marlena. I felt sorry for her, absolutely, but she made awful decisions and I can’t excuse them. And I can’t excuse her for the terrible peer pressure she placed on Cat (not like Cat is blameless by any stretch, she has to take responsibility for her life decisions, too!).

Ultimately, I liked this story quite a bit, and I read it really fast. I wanted to see what happened with Cat and how she pulled herself out of the shit-hole life she dug for herself, BUT the entire book made me cringe… so I was left feeling really confused. 3.5 stars, I guess?

Have you read books that made you feel uncomfortable (and ultimately conflicted about how much you liked it)?

A.S. Thornton

A.S. Thornton has evolved from book blogger to author with a particular fondness for writing forbidden love in ancient deserts. When not writing, she’s caring for dogs and cats as a veterinarian. You’ll never find animals at the center of her writing, though, because those fictional worlds don’t have veterinarians and her literal brain can’t accept that the poor critters would be without parasite prevention. Thornton’s debut, DAUGHTER OF THE SALT KING is available wherever books are sold.