Guys, a while back I accidentally listened to an abridged audiobook of Rebecca. When I realized I was listening to the abbreviated version, I felt like such a cheater! How can I even know if I truly liked that book, since I didn’t listen to it in its entirety? Can I even say I’ve read it now? I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS and mostly those of bookish betrayal (I AM SORRY BIBLIOPHILES, I DIDN’T MEAN TO CHEAT!). It really begged the question, why the heck do abridged books exist?

Here are the reasons I have come up with for the existence of abridged books:

  1. People want to say they read the book, but they don’t want to actually read the entire thing. Maybe I should read an abridged version of 1,001 Arabian Nights so that I can say I’ve read it and level up on my coolness.
  2. Maybe some books are better left 500 pages shorter. Perhaps Les Miserables doesn’t actually need to be any longer than the script for the broadway show. I mean, I felt like that story is pretty effective at an only two and a half hours long show. Who needs to the rest of it? (This is sarcasm people, I recognize the show probably doesn’t cover a fraction of what the book covers.)
  3. No one is reading it anyway, right? OKAY so maybe I skipped John Galt’s 70 PAGE SPEECH (seriously WTF) in Atlas Shrugged. And maybe I skimmed through (…or skipped) the info on the different types of whales in Moby Dick. AM I A BAD PERSON? (Don’t answer this.)


So now it’s your turn: Explain to me why abridged books exist.