Guys, a while back I accidentally listened to an abridged audiobook of Rebecca. When I realized I was listening to the abbreviated version, I felt like such a cheater! How can I even know if I truly liked that book, since I didn’t listen to it in its entirety? Can I even say I’ve read it now? I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS and mostly those of bookish betrayal (I AM SORRY BIBLIOPHILES, I DIDN’T MEAN TO CHEAT!). It really begged the question, why the heck do abridged books exist?
Here are the reasons I have come up with for the existence of abridged books:
- People want to say they read the book, but they don’t want to actually read the entire thing. Maybe I should read an abridged version of 1,001 Arabian Nights so that I can say I’ve read it and level up on my coolness.
- Maybe some books are better left 500 pages shorter. Perhaps Les Miserables doesn’t actually need to be any longer than the script for the broadway show. I mean, I felt like that story is pretty effective at an only two and a half hours long show. Who needs to the rest of it? (This is sarcasm people, I recognize the show probably doesn’t cover a fraction of what the book covers.)
- No one is reading it anyway, right? OKAY so maybe I skipped John Galt’s 70 PAGE SPEECH (seriously WTF) in Atlas Shrugged. And maybe I skimmed through (…or skipped) the info on the different types of whales in Moby Dick. AM I A BAD PERSON? (Don’t answer this.)